Signs of Controlling and Abuse

Jealousy is not a healthy part of love but a need to control. It can manifest as constant suspicion and unfounded accusations.

Controlling behaviors often start as concern, such as “I need to know where you are all the time because I care so much,” and escalate to control for the sake of control.

Abusers often push for quick involvement, seeking to get serious quickly with sudden commitments and declarations of love.

Expecting a partner to meet all their needs, not just companionship, and setting unrealistic standards that the partner can never fulfill.

Cutting off access and contact with outside support and resources, especially other influences like friends and family.

Abusers often blame others for their problems and abusive behaviors. They claim their achievements or positive changes are blocked by others.

Statements like “You made me so angry I couldn’t help it” are used to justify abusive behavior.

Abusers may blow up at small obstacles and throw tantrums over challenges, showing an inability to handle frustration.

Cruel treatment of pets or other people and destruction of personal property are common signs. Abusers often excuse this behavior.

Putting people down whenever they disagree or challenge the abuser. This behavior systematically undermines and seeks to destroy the self-esteem of the partner.

Abusers may force sex playfully or present it as the best style, often resulting in pain and always maintaining control over the partner’s responses.

Expecting women to fulfill specific roles like working, parenting, and serving rigidly defined; submission is expected and required.

Explosive behavior or severe moodiness alternating with sweetness and gentle care, creating a confusing and unpredictable environment.

A history of abusive behavior in any relationship, especially with intimate partners or siblings.

Using threats of violence to get their way or reinforce a point, including threats to the partner, children, family, or friends.

A tendency to get physical during verbal arguments, using physical force to intimidate or control the partner.